Every wedding I have been to since the year 1983 (when I graduated high school) has been marred by the playing of “Bob Seger – Old Time Rock And Roll”.

I will go on the record as saying that I like quite a lot most of Bob’s music with The Silver Bullet Band, but for some reason I never liked this song. Further complicating this is the fact that it seems to be a wedding reception must play and one of the songs that will get the crazies out on the dance floor. This song taps into some people in a way I cannot fully fathom or understand. They; the unrhythmic and unbalanced, the old, the young, the poor dancers, all come out to the dance floor and move and shake and love it… completely inglorious. Ugh.

There are certain songs that will NOT be played at my upcoming wedding. Period. Sorry Bob, but yours is one.

Also not allowed: “Celebration”, “We Are Family” and Billy Idol of any kind.

Nothing good usually comes from playing “Funky Town” either. Banned.

“You Are My Obsession”. Absolutely not. I had a very bad reception experience with that one that has scarred me for life.

“Shout”: This song is just an offense. This song usually ends up looking like people are broken and invariably someone will fall down. Getting stuck out on the dance floor for this song is torture. The song is just not that good, plus all anyone wants to do anyway is the hand gestures and the “get a little bit softer now” parts where they all flame out before really getting low and then explode up on “shout”. That’s when the accidents happen. People list and tumble off the dance floor. Mid air collisons. Ripped clothes. I just don’t need it. No. Not allowed.

Oddly, I will allow “The Chicken Dance”.

I’m an enigma.